I just threw up on my dentist
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
