Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
