omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
