OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
