so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
