so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
