the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
