dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
