Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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