The best revenge is premature balding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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