Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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