I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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