another moral hangover. fuck.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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