If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
