I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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