I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
