david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
