today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
