I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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