Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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