Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
