Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
