The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We're too hungover to prance.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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