Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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