I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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