so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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