piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
