Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
