You really coming over, don't trick.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
