So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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