i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
