Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
NoShamevember. You game?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
