he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
