I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
