I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When are your genitals available?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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