I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When are your genitals available?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize