we have pet lesbian snakes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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