he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
