If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
