my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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