I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
