my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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