I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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