now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
