hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
