I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
