turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize