I just made out with a guy for $7.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
