i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
