Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
