True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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