and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
