I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
